6
Our overall verdict "Hit for Six"

Velocibox-1

Box of Pain

The good old endless runner, they come in many forms but if I was to be pressed on my particular favourite, it would be any that have you running into the screen as opposed to the side scrolling variety.

For the purpose of this review, I decided to try out the PS Vita version, not only because my past few reviews have been on the PS4, but because the ‘pick-up and play’ genre of the endless runner just feels more at home on your handheld.

Velocibox is presented with a lovely clean aesthetic with some neat visual effects, from the screen edge warping to the wobbly camera when you throw your box around the soul crushing levels. Note I said SOUL CRUSHING… Velocibox is a minimalistic ride which progressively gets tougher and tougher as you progress. Controlling a cube, you are hurled down tight streamlined levels using only left and right and a cunningly cleaver flip action. Each level comes with unique patterns making each maze-like level increasingly difficult to master.

Velocibox-4

I’ve never wanted to smash my Vita before, but believe me, DON’T play this before or during bedtime. Honestly, I do love the super-fast gameplay and instant re-playability, but seriously, LOOT Interactive, playing (dying more like) Velocibox is the gaming equivalent to having a cactus shoved up your trumpet with no Petroleum Jelly … and that’s putting it mildly without the new swearwords I’ve discovered. Yet I still play on, even with my longest run lasting a mammoth four seconds according to the in-game stats page. Perhaps I’m being too hard on the game. Perhaps being forty-one-years-old, Velocibox has proven, scientifically, that some games are truly for the youth of today, and us old farts have lost our reactions over time. DAMN YOU, YOU ORANGE CUBOID *&@#!!!!TKCG-5TNJ-73JJ

So be warned, if you’re twelve and have the reactions of a viper, game on. If you enjoy a nap after your Sunday lunch, well don’t say I didn’t warn you. I wouldn’t care; I love the other PS Vita endless runner, Race the Sun – granted it takes on the genre in a different way, offering P6FQ-7PNT-KJG5a bit more depth, unlike Velocibox that just wants to smash your face in with its fast and tricky levels. Yeah, 9 levels, that’s it, but I’ll be the first to congratulate you if you can even get to level 2!

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Conclusion

Unfortunately, Velocibox is too frustrating for me, and my enjoyment can only take so much of the announcer telling me every two seconds ‘Level 1, Begin, Game Over, Level 1, Begin, Game Over, Level 1, Begin, Game Over … AARRRGGGGHHHH!7JKR-HQNJ-2N6G

Velocibox pumps out an extreme endless challenge but is hampered by an almost impossible difficulty curve.

Northlander Rating 6/10

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Northlander

Northlander is a PlayStation gamer from North of the Wall, dedicated beard farmer and cat wrangler. Platinumed 9DG9-EENB-L5RJthe Bald trophy in 2008. Follow him on twitter @northlander74